Why Hiking Angel’s Landing is Scarier Than Dating Taylor Swift

Jan 17, 2019

Why Hiking Angel’s Landing is Scarier Than Dating Taylor Swift

It’s no secret that Taylor Swift has gone through boyfriends like a dog through bones.  The difference is that the dog will bury some bones to save for later. Becoming Taylor Swift’s boyfriend is a scary proposition, to be sure, but there’s something even more frightening—hiking Angel’s Landing at Zion National Park.

To convince you of the veracity of the title, let’s consider the obvious benefits of dating Taylor Swift.  There are two: bragging rights and money. Think of your next family reunion . . . or high school reunion, for that matter.  Everyone rolls up in their recently washed and polished car, be it a Corolla or Mustang. Then they partake of the open-bar to soften the sting of answering the questions about what they do for a living and where they lived.

Bragging Rights And Money

And the moment arrives.  You pull up in Taylor’s BMW, albeit in the passenger seat, and you quickly jump out so you can open Taylor’s door before she exits.  You put out your arm, and she interlocks it, while the two of you stroll into the facility, decked out in GQ and Cinderella, smiling and waving as the reunion’s centerpiece.  You and Taylor find a table in good view, sit down, and wait to see if your old bullies and smart alecks dare approach you. One does, and asks who your date is. “Oh, Hi Greg.  This is my girlfriend, Taylor Swift.” Greg chuckles, says Ok in a puzzled fashion, and walks away, talking to himself.

You enjoy the money Taylor spends on you and the trips to paradisiacal resorts.  You go wherever she wants to take you. After a few weeks, she tells you she just can’t get over how you chew your gum and wants to move on.  The fear has come to fruition.

A few months later, you’re at the gym, and you’re getting acquainted with Bob and Steve in the locker room.  They’re one-upping each other about how cool their girlfriends are, going to this concert or that and their favorite music.  Tying your sneakers, you nonchalantly add, “Last summer I dated Taylor Swift.” They stop, frozen, and look at you, while you say, “See ya tomorrow,” and walk away.  Mic drop.

Hiking Angel’s Landing

You’ve heard of Angel’s Landing, but not sure of where it is exactly.  Online you see it is in Zion National Park, of Southern Utah, and you realize you’ve never seen Utah, though heard it’s a pretty place.  

Arriving to Springdale, Utah, you rent a room and ask the front-desk about hiking Angel’s Landing.  “So cool!” she says.  You eat at one of the well-reviewed restaurants in Springdale and retire for a good sleep.  The next morning, the free shuttle takes you to Zion’s Visitors Center, and you ask the rangers about hiking Angel’s Landing.  They advise you to wear good hiking shoes or boots to tackle Angel’s Landing, and take plenty of water.  You got that covered.

The first two miles are pretty fatiguing, and you wish you were in better shape.  The trail comes to a long, narrow ridge where a death fall lies on either side, and you wonder if you’re still afraid of heights.  On the ridge, your stomach feels queasy, and you hesitate to look down much. You’re grateful for the chain railing, which you hold so hard that it leaves chain-link red marks in your hands.  The temperature is only 80, but sweat is stinging your eyes and dripping down your back. You muse that you didn’t fear for your life while dating Miss Swift.

At the climactic landing, you absorb the vista of red canyons, the river below, and the blues, purples, greens, and oranges of the trees and flowers.  You’re emotionally moved and realize that not only was dating Taylor less scary than hiking Angel’s Landing, but also less inspiring.

Why Hiking Angel’s Landing is Scarier Than Dating Taylor Swift

Article By: Clear Content Marketing


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